Smile

So I made it up to the hospital today to visit my friend.  She had a bad day but was still smiling and thanking us for everything we've done to try and get her family here.  She really is one of the bravest women I've ever met and she's touched my life in ways she will never know.  I am humbled by her courage and simply in awe over her amazing attitude and spirit.

I was going to offer to buy her television service as it has to very lonely and boring being in the hospital for so long, but she said she is sleeping a lot right now anyway and doesn't really want it.  I thought it could be one kind thing I could do for her today.

It's been an emotional few days but I have so much to be thankful for.  It's a good reminder today that no matter how bad things get for her, for me, for anyone, that there is always a reason, however small, to smile.  I'm reminded of a song from Charlie Chaplin:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iu-rLA4POkI


Smile


Smile though your heart is aching 
Smile even though it's breaking 
When there are clouds in the sky, you'll get by 
If you smile through your fear and sorrow 
Smile and maybe tomorrow 
You'll see the sun come shining through for you 

Light up your face with gladness 
Hide every trace of sadness 
Although a tear may be ever so near 
That's the time you must keep on trying 
Smile, what's the use of crying? 
You'll find that life is still worthwhile 
If you just smile 

That's the time you must keep on trying 
Smile, what's the use of crying? 
You'll find that life is still worthwhile 
If you just smile

My Heroes

Yesterday was filled with heroes.  Invited friends and family came to my house for dinner to support the woman I met from the Philippines who is terminally ill in the hospital.  (See October 8th).  Sadly, she is too ill to fly home to her be with her 7 year old son and family for her remaining time.   Last night my heroes donated enough money to bring her son and sister to her!

This morning I woke up and was brought to tears thinking about the evening and how all of these people came together to support a woman they don't even know.   I am grateful and thankful for so much kindness and love in people's hearts.   We are all anxiously awaiting the Philippine government to issue passports and then we can book the flights.  I am heading up the hospital shortly with a card everyone signed and a big hug.

Thank you, thank you, thank you to everyone who supported this cause and for everyone keeping her in your thoughts and prayers.

Much love,
B

I have 4 minutes until midnight and don't have time to get into what I've been up to today....so will have to write more tomorrow.  It's been an absolutely incredible night and will take the time to write when I'm awake and don't have guests in my house.

Thank you to everyone who is following and making comments.  It means so much to me and keeps me going!

Till tomorrow....

Many Opportunities

Some days I feel so pressured to find something to do that it doesn't feel as genuine as it should.  But then again...we all have our days where we just feel crankier than others and we don't put our attention on finding something kind to do for someone.  Some days you just wake up and the last thing you want to think about is doing something for someone.  Today has been one of those days where I wasn't thinking much about what my RAOK would be.  I was busy all day and by about 8:30 tonight, I hadn't really done anything out of the ordinary for anyone.  I started feeling a little panicky as I knew I would be writing on here tonight.  I was sitting at Mama Mia at 10 p.m., at the end, and feeling down that I hadn't done anything for anyone, when the cast members came out after the show and said they were raising money for Aids and Breast Cancer and that we could donate to that on the way out.  As we walked out, I slipped a few dollars into a donation "pail."

Tonight I am reminded that there are many opportunities for kindness when you turn your attention that way AND it counts whether you feel like it or not.  Sometimes it's important to give and be kind regardless how we feel about it.  It's not always about us....it's about the people who benefit.

And now it's time to put this cranky butt to bed lol  Tomorrow is another day : )

Doughnuts

When I was in high school I used to take the bus there and back on the days I didn't walk.  I remember what it was like some winter days having to wait for the bus to show, sometimes late and even not showing at all.  After a long day of school, nothing felt better than getting off a crowded bus and relaxing with friends or watching t.v. with a snack.

One of my girls is in a new school this year that takes over an hour by bus to get to.  She texted me while I was out in the late afternoon that she was coming home with a friend to hang out.  I was near a Tim Hortons so I went through the drive through and bought a box of TimBits for her and her friend to share.  They work hard at school and they deserved a treat.

Unfortunately, I couldn't resist buying my favourite doughnut, the Honey Cruller, while I was there.  I'm sure they are fat free anyway right? : )

It could have been me....

I had a mammogram today and received good news.  Sitting there waiting to be called in, I had many scary thoughts go through my head.  What if something showed up?  How would my life change?  How would I deal with it?  How would I tell my kids?  But then I'm done and I see the doctor and get the good news that everything is fine and I'm healthy.  I walk out of the office breathing easier and feeling very happy.

But here's the deal.  Later on as I'm driving home I'm thinking how easily it could have been me being diagnosed with breast cancer.  It could have been me.  It still could be in the future.  It could be my mom, my sister, my cousin or friend.  I was lucky today but so many women aren't.  Today I'm sending a donation to support the fight against breast cancer so maybe one day there won't be the fear of "What if it's me today?" for anyone.

Hugs and best wishes to everyone out there who has been affected by this horrible disease.

Cookies....mmmmmmmm!!!

I mentioned in one of my previous blogs my dad's love of baking for other people.  Well, the other day he called me and told me he was going to bake a bunch of cookies for me to give to people!  Yesterday he came over and had the cookies packaged in these colourful bags with little golden stickers on each one that said "home made."  They were really beautiful and the time and love he spent on each little package showed.

Tonight my husband and I drove all over the City delivering the packages of cookies to friends and strangers.  The first stop was my favourite.  We had to stop for gas and washer fluid, as the roads are slushy and dirty, it being our first snow and  blizzard of the Fall.  I feel so bad for the gas attendants that have to work on nights like tonight...pumping gas and washing windows.  After we paid I grabbed a package and took them out to him.

We visited old neighbours and even the owner of a small video store near our old house to drop off cookies.  We walked in and he said hello and called us by name.  I couldn't believe he remembered us.  I asked if he remembered us because he had to call on us so much for having so many late movies.  He just laughed.

It was really a fun night and seeing so many people smile really made my day.

Oh my God I woke up with a Snake Tattoo!

So I've had this song stuck in my head for the last couple weeks.  Actually just one line: "Oh my God..I woke up with a snake tattoo...Oh my God and I think that my..........."  I could never remember the next line.  It was driving me crazy and I hadn't looked it up on the internet to find out what song it was or the missing line.  Today I thought I'd have some fun with it and posted it on my facebook page as a contest.  The first person to get the missing line would get a free coffee with me.  Within an hour I had it!  It came from a cousin out East who I haven't seen in over 20 years!  She said she listens to it on her Ipod when she runs.  It's an Amanda Marshall song called "Sunday Morning After."  Very fitting for those lyrics.  The missing line is "I think that my tongue's pierced too!"  All I can say is that I've been lucky enough in my life NOT to have experienced a night like Amanda writes about....yet lol

One Starbucks card is on it's way to my beautiful cousin Janet : )

Are you lucky?

Today my husband and I were coming back from a short trip up North.  It was our anniversary and we had decided to get away just for a night.  On the way home we stopped at a casino.  We didn't have the girls with us, so we were free to do whatever we felt like.

We sat down and played the slots as no table games were open.  We rarely go to the casino but when we do, I like to play blackjack or any other table game that isn't too complicated.  Well...it doesn't take long with the computerized video machines to go through $20 dollars!  I certainly don't have the horseshoe my husband seems to have been blessed lol   As I watched the credits I had dwindle down quickly, I was frustrated with it all and decided to cash out.  This casino prints off a ticket with your remaining cash value.  Instead of taking it to cash in however,  I decided I would give it to someone anonymously.  I had to use the powder room before we left, so I went in and left it on the counter.  Maybe it found it's way to someone who was really down on their luck that day and needed a bit extra to win their fortune!  That's what I'd like to believe anyway.

I hope everyone's week is off to a great start.  Night : )

Bless Our Troops

A few years ago I applied to be a pen pal to a soldier in the States fighting in the war.  At the time I was looking I didn't see any programs in Canada to "adopt" a soldier.  Either way, it didn't matter.   Before I could write, my soldier was sent home.  I didn't apply for another one but thought a lot about how much a letter from home must mean to someone stationed overseas.

The other day I downloaded a song from Itunes by the Dixie Chicks called "Travelling Soldier."  It's a beautiful ballad that tells the story of a waitress who meets a soldier the day he is shipping out to war.  There's a line where he says to the waitress "I got no one to send a letter to, would you mind if I sent one back here to you?"  After being shipped to Vietnam, the song goes on to say "He told her of his heart , it might be love, and all the things he was so scared of."  This line gets to me and I seriously can't listen to the song without getting goosebumps, thinking about how much it would mean for someone who has no one to have someone to write to and get a letter back from.  It made me think about how scary being in a strange land and fighting for your life and Country would be.  No one can imagine the terror our troops face every day.

So, to make a long story short, I wrote a letter via email to the Canadian soldiers through the National Defence and Canadian Forces website, thanking them for what they are doing.  Here's the website you can look at and write if you want:

http://www.forces.gc.ca/site/commun/message/message-add-ajout-eng.asp

Coincidence

When I did my social work degree a few years ago I spent some time in a Community Centre in our inner City.  They do really good work for people living in poverty and marginalized members of our society.  Being that Halloween is just around the corner, I decided to make up some candy bags to take in somewhere.  I didn't have a place in mind when making them but decided to call the Centre this morning and see if I could bring them in for some of the kids they have come in.  The woman on the phone told me I could bring them down in the afternoon.  When I took them in, I spoke with her briefly and told her I had about 30 little bags made up with various treats in each one.  She smiled and said "This is great!  We have a children's Halloween party planned next week, and we didn't have enough money to buy candy for all the kids."

Sometimes I do wonder if there is an unknown force guiding us even in the smallest things we do.  Today it sure felt like it.  I've been beaming inside all day.

Have a great weekend everyone : )

Science Experiments

Wow...it's 6 a.m. and I just woke up.  The first thing through my head was that I forgot to write about yesterday!  I was so tired last night that I fell asleep on the couch watching t.v.   I've been making it a habit to write before I go to bed, but I think I'll have to change that!

I was in Costco last weekend and came across a book called "365 Fun Science Experiments."  I thought it would be a neat addition to my daughter's classroom, since her class this year is science based.  I sent it with my daughter to school yesterday morning and told her to tell the teachers I thought they might be able to use it.  Costco has such neat things there.  Anyway...science experiments are so much fun.  I remember doing a few when I was a kid.  I hope the class will do a few.

Thanks to everyone who has written in.  Your support is amazing.  Thank you!

Only Kindness Matters

I had a song stuck in my head for a few weeks.  Actually one line.  It was "only kindness matters....in the end...only kindness matters."  I finally looked it up and it's a hauntingly beautiful song by Jewel.  It's a song about having faith through difficult times and how "we are never broken."  It's a song about being strong through heartache and for fighting for what's right.  There's a line that says "poverty stole your golden shoes, it didn't steal your laughter."  I think I love that line the most.  Pain and despair can strip you of a lot of things, but it can't take everything.  It can't take the essence of who you are.  It can't steal your laughter or your love.  Only you can decide to give that up.

Life can deal us a lot of things we don't like and we can struggle through it all, but deep inside of us is this quiet inner strength and no matter how much we are faced with, our faith carries us through to the other side.  The darkness can't beat me.  That's how I feel right now.

I met some family at a diner tonight.  The waitress was extremely happy and she seemed like a very kind and caring person.  I left a much larger tip than I usually would.  Being a waitress must be one of the hardest jobs out there.  I know I couldn't do it.  Being around kind people is infectious.  They make you want to be better yourself.  In the end, only kindness matters.

Here's a link to the song:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qZiFKi-jpas

Christmas Cookies

My dad is the best baker I know.  Years ago he was famous for his cinnamon buns, always taking them to work for his staff who loved and requested them.  All anyone would have to say is "I sure would like some of your cinnamon buns" and within a short period of time they would get their wish.  He still makes them today, but lately he's been known more as the "cookie man," instead of the guy with the "great buns"  and has even been told he should go into business selling the amazing cookies he bakes all year long for neighbours, friends, family, staff and even people he golfs with.   He not only bakes because it's his hobby, but bakes because he has the most generous of hearts.

Christmas is a time when he bakes the most and does up his very special cookie boxes filled with all types of incredible goodies.  From jam jam cookie cutouts to candy cane cookies with peppermint sprinkles, the boxes are filled with the most delicious and eye pleasing goodies you've ever seen!  Today when I was out shopping, I couldn't pass up the latest cooking magazine entitled "Cookies" to take over to him.  I know that he'll already be thinking about new types of cookies or squares to add to his Christmas cookie boxes this year that he'll generously give to all the people in his life.

Save one for me dad : )  I love you xoxo

Spoiling

Where is the line between giving your children things we never had and spoiling them?  It seems that kids today are getting way more than we ever did and the generation before us.  A lot more.  How do you give them things while at the same time ensuring that they are appreciative and know the value of money?  How much is too much to give them?  This is a tough job for parents today.  I've spoken to many of them with the same questions.  We all do our best every day and hope that we get it right in the end.

Today I struggled with these questions as I left a little "gift" for my older daughter on her desk.  She's a teenager and is so busy right now between school and a very busy social life and I miss her.  I miss her funny ways, her beautiful smile and her quick wit.  It's a hard realization when you find that your child is smarter than you and can beat you in an argument.   But I really don't need to try too hard, because I finally get to say "because I'm your mom and I said so!" I've been waiting yearrrrrrrs to say this! Ha ha.

Today I wanted to remind her that I love her no matter what is going on in our lives or how many silly little arguments we might have from week to week.  I wanted to make sure she knows that I'm thinking about her, always.  If she leaves home in a few years a little spoiled, she'll be spoiled with love and affection from her mom.  And,  I can live with that.

Garbage Picking - Revised

Tonight I decided to go for a walk and pick up garbage along the way.  It always amazes me what people will just throw on the road or in the park.  I commented to my husband along the way after picking up some real "treasures" that it was probably a good thing that is was dark outside otherwise I'm not sure I'd pick some things up!   As I walked I thought about how much garbage I was finding because I was looking for it.  It's sort of like other observations in life.  When you're looking for the good in people, you will find it. When you look for hatred, you will find it.  This is a good lesson for me.  It's about how the world can look from day to day.  If I hear a kind word one day, then it feels I will look for that more.  If someone is rude, it seems that I'll start noticing that from others.  The lesson is about what we give ourselves permission to pay attention to at any given moment.  We have a choice what we notice and how we feel and react as a result.

So, back to garbage!  Can you imagine if we all went outside, all around the world at the same time, for even 1 minute and cleaned up garbage, how much cleaner the world would be?

I have some fun things planned this week...stay tuned : )

Shopping Carts

Today I hosted a birthday party for my youngest daughter.  She's finally a teenager, in this amazing place between a child and adult.  Some days she wants to hold me close and others I feel her drifting away onto her own path to becoming completely independent.

But she still comes shopping with me whenever I ask her to and I love her for that.  I love her company and she is one of my favourite people in the world to be with.  She's beautiful, smart and has a wonderful sense of humour.  She helped me today with my RAOK when we were out buying a few things for her party.  Always asking what the new thing will be for the day and seeming to take an interest in what I'm doing, today was no exception.  We wheeled our cart back to the truck, after getting what we needed, and after unloading it I asked if she would take it back to the cart drop off where you chain it to the others and get your quarter or loonie back.  I gave her the instruction to not chain it and get the money, but to just leave it as is.  When she came back she asked why I didn't want my money back for it and I said that it's for someone who didn't have a quarter on them.  It's a small thing to do but it still feels good.

Calgary VS Saskatchewan tomorrow!  Go Riders!!!

What's Black and White and Read All Over?

Can you imagine getting up at 5 a.m. and, regardless of how dark, cold, snowy or scary it is outside, make your way around empty streets, half asleep, for at least an hour, 6 days a week for very little pay?   Every day our newspaper delivery person does just this.

It takes a special person to do this job and I wanted to thank ours.  I wrote them a little thank you note and left a tip in the envelope so they'll have it tomorrow morning when they bring our Saturday paper.

Happy Weekend Everyone : )

Flapper Pie

My mom is one of the strongest people I know.  She's been a godsend to me over the years, from moving in to my house and taking care of her grandkids while I was on vacation, to coming with me numerous places on the days I didn't feel strong enough to go alone.  We laugh a lot together and I really treasure the time we can spend just going for coffee or shopping.

Yesterday, while we were out visiting someone at the hospital, she mentioned that we should make a "Flapper Pie" together one day soon.  I can't remember what made her start craving flapper pie, but I knew then that I'd have my RAOK for today.  My youngest daughter came with me to "Grandma Bear's" house, around supper time, to deliver the pie that I'd just pulled out of the oven.  If anyone deserves a Random Act of Kindness today it's my mom, for all that she does for everyone around her.  I love you mom.

PS (I hope there's a leftover piece ; )

Cherry Tarts

I didn't have the best sleep last night and woke up early and couldn't get back to sleep. I felt sort of achy and in my mind I kept thinking "this is going to be a bad day."  I think I laid there tossing and turning and feeling quite sorry for myself for some time.  My husband, still half asleep, must have heard me groaning and carrying on and asked what was wrong.  "I think I have a bit of arthritis" I remember saying.  He laughed at me, as he usually does to my new ache or pain of the week lol.  Poor guy.

I got up, started to make the girls a lunch and saw that I had some leftover pastry dough I'd made the night before in the fridge.  I looked at the clock and realized I had enough time to make him some tarts for the office.  He certainly deserves a huge helping of kindness every day for all  he puts up with from me.  In fact he deserves a medal lol.  But he had to settle for cherry tarts this morning.  They cooked to a golden brown, with 5 minutes to spare, before he headed off for another long day at the office.

By the time I had finished baking and everyone had left, I realized that I was actually feeling quite good, mentally AND physically.  He loved the tarts and it filled me with real happiness this morning when he thanked me for them.  Today it felt obvious that I am on the right track.  In putting my attention and positive energy into something for someone else, I created positive energy within myself.

Today was a good day.

Texting..

This morning after my girls left for school, I was thinking about how long the day can be without a kind word from someone who truly loves you.  So I texted each of them and told them that I was hoping they were having a good day and that I loved them.

A Random Act of Kindness doesn't have to cost money and it sure doesn't need much planning.  Sometimes the smallest things can mean the most and sometimes the most spontaneous ones can have the most impact.  Now...I don't know if it's "cool" to get a text from your mom while you're at school when you're a teenager, and especially when it's a gushy one, but my girls will always know how much they are loved, even if it happens to embarrass them at times.

Tell your children or someone close to you tonight how much you love them : )

Happiness, Joy and Peace

Today I feel very heavy.  Not in mood but in weight lol  A huge Thanksgiving feast last night leaves me feeling like I need to restart my exercise routine.  Who can say no to the cream cheese potatoes, turkey, cabbage rolls, bacon stuffing and ooooooooooh the gravvvvy!

I had today's idea for a RAOK while getting groceries this weekend.  On the way out of the store I passed some postcards and thought it might be fun to get some and then just send them using random people searches on my computer.   I typed in some names that popped into my head and wrote a little note that basically said "this is being sent to you just to say hi and wishing you happiness, joy and peace."  It sort of sounded like a Christmas card lol

Do you remember the last time you received a letter from a friend that wasn't an email?  The art of letter writing has long been lost to the computer age unfortunately.  When my kids were little they used to love getting mail and as I'm writing this, I remember that I used to send them postcards so they would get mail.  It was sort of like getting a little present, unexpectedly!

Today I'm wishing everyone Happiness, Joy and Peace : )

How to Make Your Sister Cry

My sister's children who are 3 years apart, moved away from home within 2 weeks of each other.  This was devastating, I know, to my sister.  I remember her saying that it's hard enough losing one, but to lose two at the same time for out of Province pursuits, is something a mom shouldn't have to go through.   We love our children so much, and we know that when they leave, they are prepared to face the world on their own and that we've done our job.  What we aren't prepared for is what we will go through.  The terrible lonely, aching, empty feeling that's left when the house is empty at the end of the day. No more watching them come and go as they take off for school in the morning, to friends houses, to work or volleyball practice.  No more hugs at the end of a long day.   I can only imagine what it will feel like when my own leave, but I have first hand knowledge of this pain by seeing my sister go through it and the talks we would have about how she was coping.  She is the best mom I know and her kids respect and love her dearly.  But nothing could have prepared her for them leaving.

When Thankgiving rolled around this year and only one of her kids was able to make it back home because of financial constraints, it was hard on her, her daughter and her husband as well as all of us, to think that someone would be missing from our table this year.  Saturday morning I woke up very early and logged on to my facebook account.  I remember seeing something my nephew wrote about wishing he were home this weekend.  My heart sank.  I went on the airline websites to take a quick peek at flights just to see if there was anything available.  There was.  Uh oh lol.  I texted my nephew and asked if he was interested in coming home and if it was even possible to get time off work.  I knew it was even earlier where he was living and knew he wouldn't be up yet.  I waited an hour at least before texting him again to call me.  A few minutes later he did and the wheels were set in motion.

About 11 p.m. my sister was at home getting ready for bed when her son, with all of us standing outside her house, opened the back door to the house, quietly, and slipped inside.  "I'm good at sneaking in Auntie, I've done this a few time," I remember him saying and I smiled. His mom was at her desk checking on a few emails before heading to bed.  In no time he was through the house and standing behind her.  We all watched from the back door as my sister, startled by the presence in the room, jumped up in disbelief, and within seconds was holding her boy again.  He was home for Thanksgiving.

My sister, her kids and husband are the most amazing people I know and I feel very blessed this Thanksgiving that we can all be together.

Gift Cards

In preparation for Thanksgiving I went to a nearby grocery store to get a few things.  As a special promotion they sometimes reward you, if you spend enough on groceries, with a gift card.  I've had one sitting in my wallet for quite a few months.  I kept forgetting to use it.  After I'd bought all my groceries, and having forgotten about it again, I was heading out of the store when I realized I had it in my purse.  At the same time, a man was coming in the store pushing his two small children on the cart.  He looked like he could use a few dollars.  I pulled out the gift card and said "Could you use this?"  He replied "yes!"  I handed it to him and kept going.  I looked back and he was looking back at me as if to say "what's the catch?" lol  I completely get where he was coming from.  I did it so quick that I didn't have time to plan what I was going to say and it came out sort of awkwardly.

Tonight I feel very blessed to be able to do these things.  I want to do more things that involve giving of my time, but I'm not quite able to every day.  On my good days it's easy, but on my bad days, it seems impossible.  It's time to challenge myself more.

Hope everyone is having a great weekend : )

Human Connection

I just recently joined a Board that helps children with cancer.  Having just joined, I now have access to the patient list.  I went up to the hospital today to drop off treats for children who come in on daily basis for chemotherapy treatments.  While I was there, I went over the list of patients currently being treated with a nurse and found out that there is one women who has relapsed and is in the hospital waiting for the results of her recent CAT scan.  She has no family at all in the city.  I thought of how incredibly hard it would be to go through something like that alone.  So tonight I went up to the hospital to visit her.  She was tired and the nurses told me I couldn't stay long, but the time we had together was the very best part of my day.  With tears in her eyes, she talked about her life and the country she left to come to Canada in search of a better life for herself and her family back home.  She had been working here and sending money home when she was diagnosed with cancer.  She held my hand and thanked me many times for visiting.  I left her my number and told her to call me so I can go back and visit.  There is no other place I would have rather been this Friday night.

And now, I am thinking about how selfish I can be with my time at home watching t.v. or on the computer, when there are people out there who really need companionship during a difficult time.  I need to rethink how I spend my days and what I have to offer than can really make a difference in someone's life.  That human connection is incredible and the best part, in my opinion, of life.

All the best to everyone out there who's reading : )

Hearts are Like Glass

Years ago I ruined a friendship by reacting too quickly, getting angry and saying some hurtful things.  Afterward, I was too embarrassed at the things I said, that I didn't apologize and let the friendship go.  I've always regretted that decision, as I cared very deeply about this person and their family.  I was too caught up in being right and then not strong enough as a person to mend what I broke.  Today I wrote a letter to them apologizing and asking if they could forgive me and relayed how much I cared for their family.  Life is too short to hold grudges and to be concerned about being right.  I had a friend say once "Take care of people's hearts, they are like glass."  It's so true.  Some are like fine crystal and you have to handle them gently.

As I dropped that letter in the mail I felt a pang of butterflies in my stomach for lack of a better word.  Will they forgive me after this many years or think I'm crazy?  Either way, I've tried and told them I am sorry.  A few years to late, but at least it's out there.

If you're going through hell...keep going!

I haven't talked much about my anxiety in my blogs but I guess for anyone else out there experiencing it, I thought I would share some of it today because I had a rough morning.  Sometimes it's comforting to know other people go through the same thing on days where you feel really alone and frustrated.  I don't know why it hit me today, but I had adrenaline rush after adrenaline rush.  No matter how many times this happens, it still feels scary every single time.  When it happens I start to feel a little down too.  I question why after so many years I can't conquer all this fear and I start beating myself up.  For some reason I remembered the saying "If you're going through hell...keep going."  Eventually I do come out on the other side and I have to remind myself that the feelings are temporary and to keep going. Today was no exception.  By mid afternoon I was feeling terrific.

Anyway...my RAOK for the day!  It's my daughter's birthday tomorrow and I asked if I could send treats to school for her class.  She said she'd love that, but I am no Martha Stewart!  No matter how great a cookie or cupcake recipe is, I will manage to mess it up lol  The only thing I've mastered so far in the baking department is puffed wheat cake.  So I asked if she might like pizza for lunch.  She said she'd love it, so I checked with the teacher and ended up sending in pizza for all her classmates.

Thank you to everyone who has written emails and left kind words on this blog.  It is appreciated more than you will know.

Have a great day everyone : )

Dog Walking and Chinese Food

Today I did something that didn't cost anything or for a person.  As my RAOK (random act of kindness) I decided I would take my dog for a nice walk...but with a little twist.  Usually when we walk she practically chokes herself on her leash to get ahead and when she stops to sniff, she usually get's told to "come on!"....or "pleeeeease don't poop here!" and gets jerked back onto her path.  Those of you with dogs will know what I'm talking about lol (I think I was absent on the day they taught "heal" at puppy training classes).  Well, today she got to stop and sniff at anything she wanted for as long as she wanted.  I made it more fun for her by going down our alley where there are tons of things to sniff.  With all the sniffing and VERY frequent stops to mark her territory, she was in doggy heaven.  

What really made the day great though, was dinner out with my family and what happened there.  I wasn't in a good mood for some reason and was grumpy all through the meal.  My husband asked what I was doing for my RAOK and I told him.   After the meal, we went up to the counter to pay.  We had gone out for chinese food at a small neighbourhood restaurant where there was a table of students and another table with a couple dining.  He surprised me by telling the owner that he wanted to pay for our meal and everyone else in the restaurant!  She insisted that she go tell them we were paying, but my husband said "no no...let's keep it a secret for now."  She thanked us and we left.  As we drove away, my daughter said "mom...the people are all coming out of the restaurant!"  I turned and looked, and sure enough, they were all at the door waving to us.  We all smiled and kept driving.  My husband said that he's going to try and do this once a week...pay for someone's lunch anonymously.  This was the best day and I'm sure not grumpy anymore.

And the Winner Is.......

As a kid I loved surprises.  Who doesn't?  I remember on trip to Drumheller a few years ago, our family went on a hike.  One of the best parts of the trip was on the hike back down a hill.  Walking past some rocks, something colourful among them caught my eye.  I went to explore and found a little ziplog bag with a note and a painted rock inside.  Someone had planted it there to be found!  The beautiful note was about destiny and dreams and the rock was sort of a good luck charm.  It seemed to come at a time when I needed it the most.  It's funny how something so small like that can mean so much. I held onto that rock for a long time.  I think I still might have it somewhere.

Today I took 5 purple envelopes and within each one I put a lottery ticket for this Wednesday's draw.  On the envelope I wrote to the finder "Please open, this is for you!  Good luck!"  I took a roll of tape and taped each envelope in various places around town.  Can you imagine if someone actually wins?  I would love that.  The only sad part would be not being there to see their face.

Off to bed.  Sending prayers out to a sick friend...

Raksha, Non-Clumping Litter and How to Pick a Cat

Who would guess that on October 3rd it would be 25C outside?  What a gorgeous weekend! 

Today I wasn't sure what I would do.  My daughter likes to visit the animal shelter just outside our city, so I decided to make a donation of items they need right now.  On their website's "urgent wish list" was non-clumping cat litter.  My daughter and I drove to a pet store to get the litter to take.  And, of course, we HAD to buy a dog toy for one of the dogs.  We have a dog ourselves and it's impossible to leave a pet store without buying her a new toy to rip to shreds.  So, with our litter and a cool toy, we headed toward the animal shelter.  It was such a beautiful day so we decided to stop for slurpees.  At the counter there was a man working who had on some kind of homemade bracelet.  I was curious about it.  It looked torn and ragged and was made of string, so I knew there had to be some type of meaning behind it.  Normally I wouldn't ask, but besides this being 365 days of kindness, it's just as much about pushing myself out of my shell and try and get more comfortable just opening up conversation.  So, I asked him simply "Is that some kind of friendship bracelet you have on?"  He smiled and told me that it had to do with his spiritual belief and that it was called a Raksha.  He told me that it's a tradition in his religion in which his sister wraps string called rakhi, which is a sacred thread, around his wrist.   He said that it symbolizes his vow to watch over her and protect her.  Later at home I looked it up found that it also symbolizes the sister's love and prayers for her brother's well being and is performed during "Raksha Bandhan" festival.  What a beautiful tradition. 

Back on the road, we headed to the animal shelter and dropped off the treats.  I asked the guy at the counter why the shelter would want "non-clumping" cat litter since I thought the clumping kind would be easier to clean up.  He said it was easier to clean but "clumping" litter messes up the drainage system.  Makes sense. We looked at the cats for awhile and there were two young women trying to pick out a cat.  One friend was obviously helping the other pick one to adopt.  Knowing nothing about cats, I asked one of them how you pick out a good cat.  She said "If you don't want a cat that's going to completely destroy your furniture, then you pick out a docile kitten, since they usually turn into calmer adults."  Cool.  I wonder what the success rate with that observation is lol  

I learned a lot today. I'm finding that, only 3 days in,  I am getting a lot more that I bargained for.  It was the unexpected things along the way that made today special.  I learned all about Raksha, clumping versus non-clumping cat litter, how to pick out a good cat and, maybe most importantly, that when you start asking people questions they are pretty open to conversation.  It's getting easier every day and I love it!

The World is a Better Place Because of You

Today I went up North to close our family cabin for the winter.  I took along a book with me that I got when I was working on my social work degree a few years back.  The book is actually a directory of all the agencies in the city that one might use for help of some kind.  It includes agencies that aide in family, mental health, crime/justice, divorce, education, bereavement,  etc.  When I was doing my practicum for my degree,  I accessed many of these agencies for the clients I worked with.  It's amazing how many incredible agencies there are out there that offer all types of services that I never knew existed.  Some are government funded but many are not.  Some are staffed with paid employees while many others are staffed by volunteers who freely give of their time to support those in need.  So, today I went through the book and looked up about 10 agencies I had accessed for clients.  I wrote each one a note thanking them for all they do for the community and told them that "The world is a better place because of you."   People that work or volunteer in the human service industry need to be appreciated and reminded of how much their work is valued!  I hope everyone is having a great weekend : )

Hitchhikers, Timbits, Tulips and Balloons

I just got home from my travels around the City today and have so many incredible feelings, I don't know where to start.  My initial idea for today was to take some helium filled balloons into a nursing home and just tell the nurses to give them to someone who really needed it today.  Well...this idea snowballed into a little more than I originally planned.  When your attention is brought to kindness and giving, it is amazing how many opportunities are suddenly realized.

I set out to go to a dollar store to find some balloons to get filled.  As I was driving there, I passed a Tim Hortons and thought that it might be nice to take a few Timbits in for the staff at the home, for all the good work they do every day.  So I drive up to Tim Hortons and start to walk in, but notice there is a young girl in her twenties with a few backpack, a cardboard sign and her dog sitting outside on the sidewalk at Tim's.  I walk past her and go inside, but something tells me to get my butt right back out there and talk to her.  I never do this.  It's not that I'm against homeless people asking for money, but usually I'm too shy to approach them and usually end up getting my husband to do it.  So I walk back out and I say "Hi....where you heading?"  She said "Going to BC!"  I ask how she's getting there and she tells me she's hitchhiking.  Oh god.  At least she has the dog, and that dog looked like he'd be good in a bar fight lol  So I said "do you need money?", to which she replied hesitantly "yes."  I gave her $20 and she thanked me a few times.  I said "please take care of yourself," and went inside.

I guess I'd done my random act, but I couldn't quit.  I had a plan and needed to see it through.  I bought the Timbits and then headed down the street for the balloon and a card to go with it.  I wasn't sure what to write, but in the end I addressed it to the staff of the nursing home and it explained everything.  In the nursing home I couldn't find a staff member.  It took some time to finally find someone on the second floor.  By this time I was very nervous and shaky and my heart was pounding.  I felt sooooo awkward.  I mumbled to the women behind the desk something about giving this balloon to someone who needed it.  They looked at me strangely like they didn't quite understand.  "Who is it for?" they said.  I tried explaining it and then finally one of them just said "You mean that this isn't for anyone in particular?  Who is it from?"  I told them it was me and that I just wanted to do something nice for someone.  They both thanked me and I headed back to the elevator.  On the main floor there were two residents selling tulip bulbs to raise money for Alzheimer's.  I talked to them for awhile, bought some bulbs and headed home.

What a day.  I feel happy but overwhelmed at the same time. The whole balloon thing went over pretty awkwardly but I'm sure I'll get better at this lol  It felt wonderful to get out of the house today with a purpose in mind and then having other things come up that I didn't expect.  I am sure that my balloon found a good home, but tonight I will be thinking about that young girl hitchhiking to BC and hoping she makes it there safely.

Thanks again to everyone reading and leaving such amazing comments!  The encouragement is incredible : )