New Year's Thoughts

I've been wanting to write about my trip to Mexico since getting home.  Finally I've had some time to settle some things in my mind and share  a bit about my week there.

For the most part my acts of kindness were extra tipping at the resort we stayed at.  It was all inclusive but we left tips numerous times daily to the maids, waiters, hotel staff, baggage handlers and drivers.  We talked to one waiter who told us that they were 12 hour days and make $12 dollars, or $1 per hour as a base wage.  So they rely heavily on tips as their means of income.  Most of the people who work on the resorts commute together every morning from a place that houses the workers during their work week and they only see their wives, husbands and children two days a week when they aren't working.  I gave happily and was appreciative of how hardworking and pleasant the staff were.  And I am also grateful and appreciative of the wonderful life I have in Canada.

For a while before my trip I started to question why I was writing about my RAOK's.  In the beginning when I set out to do this, my hopes were to learn from the experience, push myself and try and help my anxiety and depression.  As well, I was hoping that if people read my blog that maybe it might inspire them to be kind and give ideas as all to the little ways we can be.  I have enjoyed writing so much and getting feedback from people.  My depression and anxiety come and go like the weather through all of this, many times with no rhyme or reason.  I can't say that doing acts of kindness have helped with either, but the experiences have been incredible.  They have helped me step outside my comfort zone many a time, and in the long run that is always a good thing.  

What I started feeling about documenting my acts of kindness every day was that it might come across as "oh..look what I did" in a boastful way.  On the days I felt anxious and had a hard time leaving the house and void of any creative spark, I would feel that it was a struggle to find something to do and then write about it.  For a while I didn't find my writing very exciting and I felt like I was letting people who read it down.  I also had many days where I would do something that maybe didn't feel as genuine or fun because I was just having a bad day, but did something anyway because of my commitment.  On those days I questioned whether the "act" was a good thing or not if it my heart wasn't in it.

So while I was on my trip I questioned whether to continue.  The bottom line is that I enjoy doing little things for people and I enjoy writing.  I hope that I never do come across as boastful or that I'm in any way better than anyone because I do this.  I have to put that out there.  I've never had a sense of that from any of the comments people have left in any way.  The comments have been amazing and I am so appreciate and thankful for them.  As for the question as to whether I should do something kind for someone if I'm not feeling up to it and it isn't given with excitement, well....the answer to that is yes.  No matter how you are feeling, give and be kind.  Even if you are in the worst mood and don't feel like doing one more nice thing for anyone, just do it.  The recipient of your kindness wouldn't question what kind of mood you are in, I think they would just be happy that someone did something nice.  Maybe even some days when you give but don't really feel like it, it means even more?

I guess what I'm saying is that I will continue along this journey because so far it's been an amazing experience.  Please bare with me on the days that I fall asleep before I could write or on the days where my writing is boring because I'm not in a good place that day.

Thank you, thank you, thank you to everyone for reading, writing and supporting me.  All the best to you and your families in 2011!