Hearts are Like Glass

Years ago I ruined a friendship by reacting too quickly, getting angry and saying some hurtful things.  Afterward, I was too embarrassed at the things I said, that I didn't apologize and let the friendship go.  I've always regretted that decision, as I cared very deeply about this person and their family.  I was too caught up in being right and then not strong enough as a person to mend what I broke.  Today I wrote a letter to them apologizing and asking if they could forgive me and relayed how much I cared for their family.  Life is too short to hold grudges and to be concerned about being right.  I had a friend say once "Take care of people's hearts, they are like glass."  It's so true.  Some are like fine crystal and you have to handle them gently.

As I dropped that letter in the mail I felt a pang of butterflies in my stomach for lack of a better word.  Will they forgive me after this many years or think I'm crazy?  Either way, I've tried and told them I am sorry.  A few years to late, but at least it's out there.

If you're going through hell...keep going!

I haven't talked much about my anxiety in my blogs but I guess for anyone else out there experiencing it, I thought I would share some of it today because I had a rough morning.  Sometimes it's comforting to know other people go through the same thing on days where you feel really alone and frustrated.  I don't know why it hit me today, but I had adrenaline rush after adrenaline rush.  No matter how many times this happens, it still feels scary every single time.  When it happens I start to feel a little down too.  I question why after so many years I can't conquer all this fear and I start beating myself up.  For some reason I remembered the saying "If you're going through hell...keep going."  Eventually I do come out on the other side and I have to remind myself that the feelings are temporary and to keep going. Today was no exception.  By mid afternoon I was feeling terrific.

Anyway...my RAOK for the day!  It's my daughter's birthday tomorrow and I asked if I could send treats to school for her class.  She said she'd love that, but I am no Martha Stewart!  No matter how great a cookie or cupcake recipe is, I will manage to mess it up lol  The only thing I've mastered so far in the baking department is puffed wheat cake.  So I asked if she might like pizza for lunch.  She said she'd love it, so I checked with the teacher and ended up sending in pizza for all her classmates.

Thank you to everyone who has written emails and left kind words on this blog.  It is appreciated more than you will know.

Have a great day everyone : )

Dog Walking and Chinese Food

Today I did something that didn't cost anything or for a person.  As my RAOK (random act of kindness) I decided I would take my dog for a nice walk...but with a little twist.  Usually when we walk she practically chokes herself on her leash to get ahead and when she stops to sniff, she usually get's told to "come on!"....or "pleeeeease don't poop here!" and gets jerked back onto her path.  Those of you with dogs will know what I'm talking about lol (I think I was absent on the day they taught "heal" at puppy training classes).  Well, today she got to stop and sniff at anything she wanted for as long as she wanted.  I made it more fun for her by going down our alley where there are tons of things to sniff.  With all the sniffing and VERY frequent stops to mark her territory, she was in doggy heaven.  

What really made the day great though, was dinner out with my family and what happened there.  I wasn't in a good mood for some reason and was grumpy all through the meal.  My husband asked what I was doing for my RAOK and I told him.   After the meal, we went up to the counter to pay.  We had gone out for chinese food at a small neighbourhood restaurant where there was a table of students and another table with a couple dining.  He surprised me by telling the owner that he wanted to pay for our meal and everyone else in the restaurant!  She insisted that she go tell them we were paying, but my husband said "no no...let's keep it a secret for now."  She thanked us and we left.  As we drove away, my daughter said "mom...the people are all coming out of the restaurant!"  I turned and looked, and sure enough, they were all at the door waving to us.  We all smiled and kept driving.  My husband said that he's going to try and do this once a week...pay for someone's lunch anonymously.  This was the best day and I'm sure not grumpy anymore.

And the Winner Is.......

As a kid I loved surprises.  Who doesn't?  I remember on trip to Drumheller a few years ago, our family went on a hike.  One of the best parts of the trip was on the hike back down a hill.  Walking past some rocks, something colourful among them caught my eye.  I went to explore and found a little ziplog bag with a note and a painted rock inside.  Someone had planted it there to be found!  The beautiful note was about destiny and dreams and the rock was sort of a good luck charm.  It seemed to come at a time when I needed it the most.  It's funny how something so small like that can mean so much. I held onto that rock for a long time.  I think I still might have it somewhere.

Today I took 5 purple envelopes and within each one I put a lottery ticket for this Wednesday's draw.  On the envelope I wrote to the finder "Please open, this is for you!  Good luck!"  I took a roll of tape and taped each envelope in various places around town.  Can you imagine if someone actually wins?  I would love that.  The only sad part would be not being there to see their face.

Off to bed.  Sending prayers out to a sick friend...

Raksha, Non-Clumping Litter and How to Pick a Cat

Who would guess that on October 3rd it would be 25C outside?  What a gorgeous weekend! 

Today I wasn't sure what I would do.  My daughter likes to visit the animal shelter just outside our city, so I decided to make a donation of items they need right now.  On their website's "urgent wish list" was non-clumping cat litter.  My daughter and I drove to a pet store to get the litter to take.  And, of course, we HAD to buy a dog toy for one of the dogs.  We have a dog ourselves and it's impossible to leave a pet store without buying her a new toy to rip to shreds.  So, with our litter and a cool toy, we headed toward the animal shelter.  It was such a beautiful day so we decided to stop for slurpees.  At the counter there was a man working who had on some kind of homemade bracelet.  I was curious about it.  It looked torn and ragged and was made of string, so I knew there had to be some type of meaning behind it.  Normally I wouldn't ask, but besides this being 365 days of kindness, it's just as much about pushing myself out of my shell and try and get more comfortable just opening up conversation.  So, I asked him simply "Is that some kind of friendship bracelet you have on?"  He smiled and told me that it had to do with his spiritual belief and that it was called a Raksha.  He told me that it's a tradition in his religion in which his sister wraps string called rakhi, which is a sacred thread, around his wrist.   He said that it symbolizes his vow to watch over her and protect her.  Later at home I looked it up found that it also symbolizes the sister's love and prayers for her brother's well being and is performed during "Raksha Bandhan" festival.  What a beautiful tradition. 

Back on the road, we headed to the animal shelter and dropped off the treats.  I asked the guy at the counter why the shelter would want "non-clumping" cat litter since I thought the clumping kind would be easier to clean up.  He said it was easier to clean but "clumping" litter messes up the drainage system.  Makes sense. We looked at the cats for awhile and there were two young women trying to pick out a cat.  One friend was obviously helping the other pick one to adopt.  Knowing nothing about cats, I asked one of them how you pick out a good cat.  She said "If you don't want a cat that's going to completely destroy your furniture, then you pick out a docile kitten, since they usually turn into calmer adults."  Cool.  I wonder what the success rate with that observation is lol  

I learned a lot today. I'm finding that, only 3 days in,  I am getting a lot more that I bargained for.  It was the unexpected things along the way that made today special.  I learned all about Raksha, clumping versus non-clumping cat litter, how to pick out a good cat and, maybe most importantly, that when you start asking people questions they are pretty open to conversation.  It's getting easier every day and I love it!

The World is a Better Place Because of You

Today I went up North to close our family cabin for the winter.  I took along a book with me that I got when I was working on my social work degree a few years back.  The book is actually a directory of all the agencies in the city that one might use for help of some kind.  It includes agencies that aide in family, mental health, crime/justice, divorce, education, bereavement,  etc.  When I was doing my practicum for my degree,  I accessed many of these agencies for the clients I worked with.  It's amazing how many incredible agencies there are out there that offer all types of services that I never knew existed.  Some are government funded but many are not.  Some are staffed with paid employees while many others are staffed by volunteers who freely give of their time to support those in need.  So, today I went through the book and looked up about 10 agencies I had accessed for clients.  I wrote each one a note thanking them for all they do for the community and told them that "The world is a better place because of you."   People that work or volunteer in the human service industry need to be appreciated and reminded of how much their work is valued!  I hope everyone is having a great weekend : )

Hitchhikers, Timbits, Tulips and Balloons

I just got home from my travels around the City today and have so many incredible feelings, I don't know where to start.  My initial idea for today was to take some helium filled balloons into a nursing home and just tell the nurses to give them to someone who really needed it today.  Well...this idea snowballed into a little more than I originally planned.  When your attention is brought to kindness and giving, it is amazing how many opportunities are suddenly realized.

I set out to go to a dollar store to find some balloons to get filled.  As I was driving there, I passed a Tim Hortons and thought that it might be nice to take a few Timbits in for the staff at the home, for all the good work they do every day.  So I drive up to Tim Hortons and start to walk in, but notice there is a young girl in her twenties with a few backpack, a cardboard sign and her dog sitting outside on the sidewalk at Tim's.  I walk past her and go inside, but something tells me to get my butt right back out there and talk to her.  I never do this.  It's not that I'm against homeless people asking for money, but usually I'm too shy to approach them and usually end up getting my husband to do it.  So I walk back out and I say "Hi....where you heading?"  She said "Going to BC!"  I ask how she's getting there and she tells me she's hitchhiking.  Oh god.  At least she has the dog, and that dog looked like he'd be good in a bar fight lol  So I said "do you need money?", to which she replied hesitantly "yes."  I gave her $20 and she thanked me a few times.  I said "please take care of yourself," and went inside.

I guess I'd done my random act, but I couldn't quit.  I had a plan and needed to see it through.  I bought the Timbits and then headed down the street for the balloon and a card to go with it.  I wasn't sure what to write, but in the end I addressed it to the staff of the nursing home and it explained everything.  In the nursing home I couldn't find a staff member.  It took some time to finally find someone on the second floor.  By this time I was very nervous and shaky and my heart was pounding.  I felt sooooo awkward.  I mumbled to the women behind the desk something about giving this balloon to someone who needed it.  They looked at me strangely like they didn't quite understand.  "Who is it for?" they said.  I tried explaining it and then finally one of them just said "You mean that this isn't for anyone in particular?  Who is it from?"  I told them it was me and that I just wanted to do something nice for someone.  They both thanked me and I headed back to the elevator.  On the main floor there were two residents selling tulip bulbs to raise money for Alzheimer's.  I talked to them for awhile, bought some bulbs and headed home.

What a day.  I feel happy but overwhelmed at the same time. The whole balloon thing went over pretty awkwardly but I'm sure I'll get better at this lol  It felt wonderful to get out of the house today with a purpose in mind and then having other things come up that I didn't expect.  I am sure that my balloon found a good home, but tonight I will be thinking about that young girl hitchhiking to BC and hoping she makes it there safely.

Thanks again to everyone reading and leaving such amazing comments!  The encouragement is incredible : )